LXVI : Cleaning and Sorting

I finally am able to discard a few of the random sketches and artwork I did way back in junior high. Back when I used to carry my sketch book or random paper with me to Sacramento where my dad's dad used to be. Also, I found the random doodles I did during "reading period" of high school (mainly my freshman year). I remember that year being full of "what-is-this-feeling?". Anyway, I found this written on one of those doodled papers:

無道人之短，無說己之長
施人慎勿念，受施慎勿忘

Don't talk only about others' shortcomings. Don't talk only about your greatnesses. Don't keep insisting you helped and thus seek a favor in return. Don't forget the help you received.

That's my translation of it, but it just doesn't sounds as awesome as the original version. From there, my mom and I talked about various things. She commented on how she used to have the mindset that people loved to approach her to talk to her, and how that delayed her mental growth. We can't be too full of ourselves. I wonder if I, too, have been doing the same thing. I want to say that I haven't because I actually feel inept at conversing with people, especially if I have to start a conversation. Also, I feel intimidated a bit when I'm asked for my own opinions. I'd rather just insert them when I feel like. Still, there have been a few times when I feel like random people find my character easy to approach such as when I'm walking down Trousdale in USC and the sorority or whatever groups are there walk toward me to get my attention on something they're advocating. I see so many other people just walking by the way I am, so why do they walk toward me? But it could just be my imagination, because no matter how hard I try to think I'm circling around as a bystander, I catch myself seeing everyone rotating around me. I dislike it when I feel self-centered like that. It feels stupid to think people act in response to oneself's presence or actions.

From these short instances when I feel like cleaning up the house, I feel like I'm in a way cleaning up a part of my lingering self that is stuck in the past. And sometimes I feel like I'm finally sorting out my feelings. I feel freer.



What was I thinking about back then? I have forgotten those feelings, yet they come back when I go through what I have left behind from before; I acknowledge them, feel them again, and then move on. Is this what I should be doing more often instead of finding myself thinking about four, five, ten years ago and partially regretting what actions I did before?

What were other people thinking?