The background for now is an edited version of the above picture. I drew it with an ordinary ball point blue pen, on an ordinary day last summer (2008) during internship at a biotech company. Sometimes, as I sat in front of the computer at my little cubicle in the corner of the company, I started to think about the world and life. This is one of the pictures that resulted from those thoughts: Pitchers. Sounds very much like "pictures," doesn't it? I think that's how I used to say pitchers--pictures. A pitcher pouring over with plenty of water falling down on life of liveliness. A pitcher tipping over more with ample water falling down on life of sufficiency. And a pitcher almost completely upside down with just droplets of water falling down on a lifeless emptiness. That was how I thought about our Earth-- the history, the present, and the future. Not much of an artist, I really hate taking a lot of time finishing pictures. So, if you haven't noticed in the earlier posts, I stick to doodling. Quick sketches, quick drawings, quick.
But sometimes, quick is too quick. Timing is important, and when I feel like it's not time yet, I move it backward in my mind. To self, reflecting on this weekend (and now that I reread it, it applies to other times too):
It is simple to forgive, but impossible to forget. The past is there no matter how much I wish it did not end up that way. It is what it is, and I cannot forget. I see it in the corner of my mind, but try hard to not focus on it. The only way is to live anew, in an unshared setting. Only then will I able to be free of these unpatched feelings. I wonder though, whether not confronting this is constant running. もういい
Maybe after writing things down, my mind feels like I have captured those feelings in words, so it can empty those memories from the memory bank of the brain. *poof* It's not often that I actually remember events (and more specifically, the feelings attached to those events) without reading what I've written down before. My brain does not work enough.
