XXVI : Self

I don't remember what I did for Halloween Freshman year. I think I just stayed in my dorm and studied for exams. When I think about what freshman year was like, I think of "study study study. get good grades. study study." Too depressing. And then, every year, I see people with all this make-up on, and I wonder, can I put on make-up too? Why not try it out? So, I made Halloween a reason for me to try on some make-up. Sophomore year, I turned out like this:

Tried strange make-up. Sure, I've tried putting on make-up many times before, but I never ventured outside with it on before. I don't think I've even let my family see what I've tried before. A shower always came straight after. So, this year, I decided to properly put on make-up. See if I could pull it off naturally. I tried during the summer, nothing dramatic:

Just makes my eyes look bigger. I was also playing with my new camera by taking that picture. yay. So, for Halloween this year, I went a little further, though I think the lighting erased the purple eyeshadow I had on. It's there though:

I wonder why I let myself follow other's expectations of me. It bothers me when people are shocked and say, "Melody! That's so unlike you!" or have that tone. I'm just expressing how I feel and want to be at the moment. Why should I let it bother me so much? In fact, I should be even more proud that they get a shock. Lets me know that you get a bit more of who I really am, and not who you think I am. I am more open than most seem to think. Or, am I just deceiving myself? Who knows.

I'll just continue surprising people as I still try to find out what Melody's style is. The huge range is too fascinating! I can try almost anything. [notice the ALMOST]

Well then, Happy (yet another) Halloween!

XXV : Value

Remember that Value of Time quote a while ago? Part of it played out. After work today, which was around 6:30pm, I walked to the tram stop to wait for the Route B line. After standing for about 2 minutes, a man crosses the road ahead of me and comes in my direction. He's got the short stature, black glasses, laptop bag, Asian-professor-like look and when I look up, he asks "Was that the Union Station tram?" I nodded and said yeah. And he darts after it. I thought, lucky that there's a red light right now, maybe he'll make it. And the bus drivers are nice people. They'll stop to let you in even if you're not at the tram stop. Anyway, I continue waiting for my tram to come. But I'm sad to say, he did not make it to the Union Station tram in time. He came back saying "if only I were 5 minutes earlier! I could have made it on that tram." I really need to meet more people. All I could respond was "awww..." But I decided to start a short conversation. I asked him, "how often does the tram come?" And I got a really detailed reply, which had a bit of complaining entwined with it, but all good. He said, "Every hour. So the next one will be at 7, and my train leaves at 7. The next train is at 8pm. This sucks." hahaha. yeah, when I say short conversation, I really mean a short conversation.

Anyway, it was interesting that I chatted with some strangers today. I heard Linty bike passed and when I looked toward the voice, I thought I saw her, so I shouted "LINTY!!!" but she continued on. A girl next to me who had just got off her phone commented, "I don't think she heard you. People on bikes never hear anything." Yeah, I don't think people on bikes focus on their surroundings much. Hence, bike accidents with pedestrians (?! stop confusing us with your swerving maneuvers, thinking you can avoid us walkers who go in a straightish line!) and cars. I wonder, do people on bikes pay less attention to the road or people walking? ... so dangerous out there.

All the more to value each second. Or each moment, pleasant or unpleasant at the time. They're all different.

XXIV : Mix

Seriously, every time I return to work at the pharmacy, I learn something new. There was one time, my co-worker (who actually works there full time) told me to watch this one lady who had just entered the pharmacy. "Go watch her. She steals," she told me. My mind went blank. What did you say? I watched the lady as she moved down the aisles and stopped in front of the toothpaste. She reached for this one brand I wasn't familiar with and smiled, "My friend! I found you, my friend!" in that voice many movies portray old witches to have-- old, nasally-ish, and that hint of trickery. I had no idea what to do! As long as she didn't decide to walk toward the exit with her "friend," I didn't have to do anything but watch her. Another co-worker walked in and took over the position of watching this person, so I returned to the register. But wow, what would I have done? I know my voice isn't powerful enough to push anyone to listen... but maybe I could have made her leave her "friend." ... who knows.

Anyway, today, something else happened. It was close to closing time (6pm) and I was helping this one patient who called in to have her prescription filled. The thing is, when prescriptions are sent over from USC's Health Center, the pharmacists don't fill them automatically because some people never pick them up (but we keep all the prescriptions forever anyway). I don't know why the physicians there tell the patients that they can "just go to the pharmacy and pick up your medicine" without telling them the part about having to wait for us to fill them after you've told us you were at the Health Center. whatever. Health Center and pharmacy lack of communication. It's not that big of a deal, just a few people go "What? You don't have it ready?" yeah. anyway, on to what happened today. I was searching for this one name, First Last, which when I looked up in the system, was there and her prescription was processed and completed today. The pharmacists remember filling her prescription. But where was it? We had no idea. And then a lady called with the name "First MID Last"! The first and last name were the same!!! What was complicated was that though their birthdates are clearly different, the computer system does not distinguish them when it prints out the medication form to be put on the medicine. Coincidentally, both of them had called in to have their prescriptions done today, and they were both from the Health Center. And the lady over the phone (the one with the MID name to) had picked up the non-MID lady's medicine. yikes. Being inexperienced, I gave specific details on what was going on ("your prescription was accidentally given to another person with the same name as you... but the pharmacist is working on yours right now. So it'll be a few minutes.") when I should have just gave a general idea. A pharmacist gave me the tip later when we were all finished ("instead of telling them that their prescriptions were given to someone else, next time just say that there was bit of a mix up and the pharmacist is now filling the prescription for you"). wow. sounds so much better. heh

So, communication skills need to be worked on. Best way, in my mind, is to make mistakes (and hope that people don't take it badly). I wonder, which gives a more positive image: making mistakes and learning from them? or learning about what to do in each situation by observing others and not making those mistakes? hmmm... guess it depends on what the situation is... which seems to be what the answer is usually for many many questions.

Mix and mingle!! It's like what happens in cooking with no recipe in mind. You mix random items that you think will taste good together and you try it. Sometimes it's a success, and sometimes it's, well, interesting.


(four?) raspberries and (1? granny smith) apples. DELICIOUS

XXIII : Herbal Medicine

All the more motivation for me to pursue the reason why I decided on pharmacy:
"herbs are recommended based on individuals' unique situations, and not as a one-size-fits-all prescription."
source:
Norton, Amy. "Chinese herbs show promise for diabetes prevention." Cochrane Library. 2009. 2009 October 14. < http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091014/hl_nm/us_chinese_herbs >

So I'll have to seriously study not only modern chemical drugs and traditional Chinese herbs, I'll have to work on my Chinese-speaking and reading skills. Oh, the challenge is enticing. ;]

I had my TAPP (Trojan Admission Pre-Pharmacy Program) adviser check over my classes for next (and last) semester. I wonder why I find it pleasing to surprise her with my list of classes. I remember giving her my list for last year's fall semester, back when I was in my spring semester of freshman year. She had just finished telling the person before me that taking three sciences classes is crazy. She wouldn't recommend it. And I handed her my schedule: Molecular Biology, Organic Chemistry, and Analytical Chemistry. HAHA. Immediately, she told me, "And I just told the person before you not to take three science classes in one semester..." But she let me. And now, I surprise her with FOUR! wahaha. except it's not as bad as it sounds because one is a 2-unit research class. And she reassured me that Microbiology isn't too bad. Just the labs are long and studying takes time. yupp. But then, all biology classes that I have had experience with weren't that bad; just took up a lot of time studying/memorizing/cramming for them. I'm intimidated by physiology though. We'll see.

Anyway, plants hold wondrous powers, not just by having the ability to heal our physiological systems, but also the ability to heal our mental states.


G Unit Babies~!

XXII : Yuuki / Courage

Instead of working on any schoolwork, I decided to watch another Japanese movie. This time, I chose one called "Yuuki The Movie" from the 24 Hour TV in 2006. I'm probably going to search for the movie played in 2007 and 2008 or something. This year's was called "Niini no Koto wo Wasurenaide" and I love the deep themes that are portrayed beautifully in these drama movies. The more I watch these actors and listen to their lines, the more I respect the translators who work hard to capture the feeling in English words. The translators for the following did a superb job. From Yuuki, the Value of Time:

"To comprehend the value of one year,
just ask the students who failed their entrance exams.

To comprehend the value of one month,
just ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To comprehend the value of one week,
just ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To comprehend the value of one hour,
just ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To comprehend the value of one minute,
just ask the people who missed their stop on the train.

To comprehend the value of one second,
just ask the person who managed to avoid an accident just in time.

To comprehend the value of one tenth of a second,
just ask the person who ended up with silver medal at the Olympics.

The hands of the clock will continue ticking. And treat today as the utmost gift you'll have."

Original:

時間の価値


「一年の価値を理解するには、落第した学生に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一ヶ月の価値を理解するには、未熟児を産んだ母親に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一週間の価値を理解するには、週間新聞の編集者に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一時間の価値を理解するには、待ち合わせしている恋人たちに聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一分の価値を理解するには、電車を丁度乗り過ごした人に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一秒の価値を理解するには、たった今、事故を避けた人に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

10分の一秒を理解するには、オリンピックで銀メダルで終わってしまった人に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

時計の針は 走り続けています。 だから、あなたの持っている 一瞬一瞬を大切にしましょう。 そして、今日と言う日に 最大限の贈り物をしましょう。」

Deep and simple. Am I able to do that?

XXI : Depth

How can you write about something deeper than you truly feel about it? Is it possible? If it is, aren't you putting more significance in it than you really feel? Meaning, what you're saying actually doesn't matter all that much to you. It didn't have to happen, and if it actually didn't happen, I could have learned whatever I did there somewhere else. Some other time. Right? How can we convey that that significant special time and place was necessary for learning more from experiences?

I have been here:

Opening my mouth open, hoping to be fed those experiences through the events and news my parents, friends, teachers, the TV, and everything/one else gave me. But they were presented in front of me. All I had to do was choose to try or reject.

I was here:

Waiting for someone to come and give me opportunities. Scared of doing something incorrectly, taking the safe route, not going out too much from my safety zone. Basically, peeking around and doing little. Didn't have much I wanted to accomplish.

I am here.

Peeking further from my comfrot zone, daring some opportunities that I find for myself, seeking some goals and accomplishments. But not really trying too hard because still staying well in the safety zone. Why am I not more daring? From the few times I have decided to venture out and failed, I have actually LEARNED something. By staying here in safety, I still learn, but extremely slowly.

Where is the future? Unfortunately, I have no pictures of these swallows flying around the house. I wish I did though. It would have made this a great time-line. So, maybe I try to simplify my feelings so much that others think I am not deep. Or maybe I really do simplify everything for my own mental benefit. Who wants to complicate what doesn't need complicating? Why makes things deeper than they really need to be?

[pictures are from the summer of 2008]

One more thing, why be overly affected by (or attached to) something that you know can overcome?

XX : 1 Hour 25 Minutes

That's how long I just spent on the phone with my parents. First it was with my mom, and then later I talked to my dad. This time, I spoke longer with my dad than with my mom (she passed the phone over because she had to use the bathroom~ haha). It was great listening to their voices again. I don't know why recently I've been wanting to hear their voices to much. It makes me feel like I'm trying to listen to what they want to say (and get them to know what I want to say) before the time when I won't be able to hear their words anymore. Not that anything is wrong with my ears (and nothing is severely wrong with my health), it's more that I'm worried about their health. What would happen, what would I do, when their health becomes an obstacle to their work? That would mean, I would have to tell them to stop working and let me to take up the financial burdens, with my sister. But that would mean that I would have to get a job that can pay enough to cover. Would that mean I have to drop out of school? My mom had asked before what I would do if she and my dad were to pass away, and I had said, "I would probably drop out of school." In my mind, I was running across all the feelings that would well up inside me (I'm not the type to let my feelings go that easily). She replied, "no. Don't do that." So, I must stay in school and learn all that I can.

When my grandma passed away, I was around 10 years old (I think, maybe younger. I know I was still in elementary school). I kept wondering at that time, how is it that my mom can live on so strongly without her mom? I wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't know how to live my life anymore. But now, 10 years later, I have to push myself to create my own path for my own life. My parents have been guiding me for so long (maybe too long) and I have to start guiding myself. Why didn't I try before? Why didn't I go through a rebellious stage where I would try to build my own life with my own ideas? Sure, I did go through the time when I would stubbornly not go to piano lessons or tutoring, but in the end, I still did. I haven't made my own course just yet. And I should have, I feel. I asked my dad in this long conversation, "How did you pay for college?" I remember him telling me he came to America with $100 in his savings account. This was at least 30 years ago. But still, he was able to make it so far. To come to California from Ohio. I have found so much to be proud of in my parents, and I am still finding more. Why didn't I realize this earlier? Why didn't I grow to this point earlier? This 1 hour 25 minute talk really pushed me forward.

Go forward.