XXI : Depth

How can you write about something deeper than you truly feel about it? Is it possible? If it is, aren't you putting more significance in it than you really feel? Meaning, what you're saying actually doesn't matter all that much to you. It didn't have to happen, and if it actually didn't happen, I could have learned whatever I did there somewhere else. Some other time. Right? How can we convey that that significant special time and place was necessary for learning more from experiences?

I have been here:

Opening my mouth open, hoping to be fed those experiences through the events and news my parents, friends, teachers, the TV, and everything/one else gave me. But they were presented in front of me. All I had to do was choose to try or reject.

I was here:

Waiting for someone to come and give me opportunities. Scared of doing something incorrectly, taking the safe route, not going out too much from my safety zone. Basically, peeking around and doing little. Didn't have much I wanted to accomplish.

I am here.

Peeking further from my comfrot zone, daring some opportunities that I find for myself, seeking some goals and accomplishments. But not really trying too hard because still staying well in the safety zone. Why am I not more daring? From the few times I have decided to venture out and failed, I have actually LEARNED something. By staying here in safety, I still learn, but extremely slowly.

Where is the future? Unfortunately, I have no pictures of these swallows flying around the house. I wish I did though. It would have made this a great time-line. So, maybe I try to simplify my feelings so much that others think I am not deep. Or maybe I really do simplify everything for my own mental benefit. Who wants to complicate what doesn't need complicating? Why makes things deeper than they really need to be?

[pictures are from the summer of 2008]

One more thing, why be overly affected by (or attached to) something that you know can overcome?