CXXIII : Health Fairs

One particular aspect I absolutely enjoy about being a pharmacy student is attending health fairs. I like being able to translate those medical connections into terms that other people can understand. I want people to understand their own health and how to take care of themselves. What can they do for themselves. Because ultimately, it is the patient who is in charge of how their health will progress. Will they get better? Will they stay the same? Will they get worse? Participants who come to the health fairs are people who need to understand in order to prevent developing health problems such as hypertension (high blood pressure), diabetes (high blood glucose), dyslipidemia (high cholesterol and/or triglycerides), osteoporosis (low bone density); people who are interested in learning more about certain diseases such as heartburn, sexually transmitted infections, and asthma; people who want to take advantage of getting a free flu shot and find that they learn about vaccines as well; people who know they have health problems or are at risk of developing health problems and want to know how to combat it.

This is what I am Director of...

I want to tell people all that I can about over-the-counter medications, but what do people want to know? What do people know? What have they tried? What are their experiences? Some people don't feel comfortable revealing any of this, which makes it difficult to talk to them.

I participated in a health fair yesterday in a primarily Chinese community, so I was forced to use my limited Mandarin skills to counsel participants on body fat. We used a machine that measures a person's BMI and % body fat. It's called a BIA and it sends electric signals through your body as you hold its two metal sides, and it detects the conductance of these electric signals. Muscles conduct electricity more than fat does, so a slower conductance registers as increased fat content. Since water and food could potentially make the measurement inaccurate, it is best to measure your body fat in the morning before you eat. The BMI is calculated using your height and weight, so it sees whether your weight is acceptable/healthy for your given height. It does not tell you if your body is composed more of fat or of muscle. BMI should not be 25 or greater, as that is generally indicative of being overweight. At the health fair yesterday, most of the participants were Asian and had good BMI. However, their fat % reached as much as 40%, which is obviously too high. The recommended body fat % for women is 22-25% and for men is 15-18%.

So how does it make sense to have a normal, good BMI, but have a high body fat percentage? This is because high weight does not always correlate to fat, and normal weight does not always correlate to less fat. Fat may not be evenly distributed in the body, so when you lose weight, you may not be losing fat, you might be converting muscle into fat instead. It is important to know that just because you see your BMI is 24.9 doesn't mean you should go on a diet or you should immediately think you have to lose weight. What you should be doing is modifying your lifestyle. Exercise, again, is a key factor. Consuming less glucose foods (because excess glucose to your body means more conversion to fat to store energy for later) doesn't mean avoiding fruits. It is better to consume mono and polyunsaturated fatty acids than saturated. Completely avoid trans fats.

So I had to say this and more in Chinese to the participants, who kept coming nonstop for a good 4.5 hours. It was the busiest health fair I've been to, which was a good experience, though it did have it's negative aspects. I wasn't able to rest so sometimes I'd feel compelled to say less to a participant just to get them over with. Usually, we hope to get to know the participant's lifestyle to help them make beneficial small changes that can help with their health, but at health fairs that are nonstop busy, it gets impossible to do so. This makes me want to open a clinic to provide these services to people. Have them feel comfortable talking about themselves, their lifestyles, their concerns with a health care professional who wants to help them control their health to the best they can. This is just one possible future I can have...

CXX : Pharmacy Decisions

One of the USC faculty professors, Dr. Steve Chen, never fails to reassure me that I chose a great profession. That I am being trained to become an integral part of health care in the US, filling in a place that is much needed especially during this time of reform for our problematic health care system. He has started projects that have expanded all over the nation to involve clinical pharmacists as an important factor in reducing health care costs. Just in the LA area, he has impacted many of the underserved populations through his implementation of safety net clinics. However, one important detail he emphasized to us was how important it is for pharmacy to reach out to the other professions. Many of our professors have told us pharmacy students that "you know you belong in pharmacy when you talk to yourself." It doesn't help the nation, and it doesn't help the pharmacy profession. What it means is pharmacists do so much to reduce the potential of hospitalization, to reduce the risk of exacerbating chronic illnesses, to help patients control their illnesses, to educate people on their own and their family's health issues, and to implement plans that ultimately reduce cost all over the spectrum. But, the pharmacy profession frequently does not publicly show these efforts, and we keep these to ourselves. If it doesn't get known, if it doesn't get a chance to spread outside of pharmacy, how will these beneficial ideas be able to improve the state of everyone's health?

I've been hearing over and over again how pharmacy is changing, how the purpose of pharmacy is still unclear now that there are new demands in health care, and how current pharmacists and leaders in pharmacy are dealing with this. In my mind, I see myself collaborating with a physician in an independent clinic. We work together to care for patients--- pinpoint their health problems and control them. And it's not only me who has these ideas. Apparently, it is one of the directions that pharmacy is going toward--- interdisciplinary care. This means pharmacy, medicine, occupational therapy, physical therapy, dietetics, nursing, etc. as well as the patient and family members are involved in the care given. All the other health professions have a long, historic, and definite role in providing health care. Physicians diagnose and start a plan and OT, PT, nursing, etc. continue monitoring and improving different aspects of the patient's overall health condition. Afterall, a diagnosis of one disease does not mean just one part of the body is affected. The whole body is put off balance. So, where does pharmacy come in? Pharmacy has always been associated with medications, but to what extent do pharmacists deal with medications? What responsibility are pharmacists going to take and what results are pharmacists aiming for? Clinical practice. Clinical skills.

As I become more involved in these pharmacy services set up by pharmacy students and advisors, I hope to share these experiences with everyone, not just within the pharmacy profession. The question is, for me, in which direction within pharmacy do I want to go?

CXIV : Who?

I worked on the fraternity poster board with my co today because we need to show it off during the Class of 2015's orientation in about a week and a half. Another statement that makes me wonder, who am I?

After explaining to my roomie that we're working on the board for orientation, she asks:
Roomie: "I didn't know you were on board for LKS! What position are you guys? Are you co's?"
My co: "Yeah!"
Me: "Yup, for New member coordinator."
Roomie: "What position?"
Me: "New Member coordinator, like PC (pledge coordinator for her frat)."
Roomie: "What? REALLY? Mel?" *shocked look on face*
Me: "Yeah, I told you I was dragged into it." which is partially true, but in the end, I was the one who wanted to take up this challenge because I knew it didn't suit me.
My co: "?? What do you mean?"
Roomie: "I've known Mel since HIGH SCHOOL and I didn't expect this at all!"
Me: "..."

Makes me wonder, what kind of person am I aiming to be? I'm not always all reserved and quiet, and I only feel free and unconstrained with select people. I'd like to be a good balance of both wild and shy, if that's at all possible. Plus, why continue doing things that are expected of you when you know trying something new can be beneficial to your experiences?

XCIX : IPPE Hospital

Today was the last day I was at my hospital rotation for IPPE (Introductory Pharmacy Practice and Experience). It was my first exposure to what pharmacists (and the pharmacy) do in the hospital setting, so everything was new and something to learn about. I'll leave that to another day because there's just so much I got out of it, yet there's so much more I want to know about.

Because today was the last day, my preceptor had to fill out an evaluation of our skills as externs. He commented, "You're kind of shy. But not in the way that you don't speak with people or ask questions when you want to. Give your opinions and get other people's opinions more."

hmm, I guess that's what I've been missing? I never could identify it until someone said it clearly to me, even though in the past, I remember saying to myself to be objective and fair. That's why I've kind of lost my own opinions of things. But, as a pharmacist, ethics plays a significant role, and my opinions will have to be well-defined with the best interest of the patient in mind. It's scary, but I'll work on it. Two interviews to prepare for.

LXXXVII : Recollection

The last bit of the first semester went by the fastest by far. I thought my last year in undergrad zoomed by, but in comparison, this one semester felt like the same time span as that last year. So much happened that I get the dates confused all the time. I will begin with Vegas. Yes, during the semester. What was I thinking? I remember how frustrated I was at myself for wanting to go yet still being caught up in the mindset of focusing on academics. I sacrificed one and a half lectures for the trip, and it was my first time ditching class for some outing. My parents were completely against it of course, and it probably surprised them too when I told them I decided to go. They were like, "It's during the semester! What are you going to do?" It made me think, why wasn't I more like a typical teenager in high school? Anyway, I went the first weekend of November (5-7), and it was unexpectedly tiring. Stayed up until 4am the Friday we got to Vegas. And I was pooped out for the entire trip afterward.

My Big (far right) noticed and nicely took me back to the hotel early on Saturday night when we went clubbing at Tao. haha My brain pretty much was slush after Friday night at XS. To me, the best part of the trip was really eating a gigantic, delicious, avocado-and-spinach-filled omelet at Serendipity.

I admit it wasn't what I expected, but I can't say it wasn't fun. I also can't say I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to clubbing anytime. I think there are better ways to spend the time with people and meet other people. But clubbing made me realize how uncomfortable I feel letting loose my body. haha, that's the only way I could describe the dancing. Letting loose.

After that weekend, I had to get back into school gear and cram for another midterm coming up. I went to the LA Art Walk, which was packed to me, but apparently was much smaller than it usually is in other months. During the weekend, I went to two health fairs (the last two of the semester), making my total to all five health fairs! I really hope that after college, I will still be able to attend health fairs. They are truly enjoyable and rewarding. I got to speak some Mandarin at these last two, especially the last one when I was doing osteoporosis. It was hard because I didn't know medical terms, but it somehow felt good to converse in a language other than English. I don't know why I've always felt a sort of dislike toward the English language, even though it's my native language. nyeah. Wish I could have taken pictures at the health fair. It gets so busy and I feel like it's unprofessional to bust out a camera and start taking pictures during the health fair.

Then, during the week that followed, I went to the JYJ concert in the Galen Center!

I got lucky that I was able to go to a concert I actually knew a bit about the singers' background! I actually didn't start following their music until after I finished the J-dorama "Sunao ni naranakute (Can't say I love you)," which had Jejung in it. But even then, I only listened to their Japanese songs rather than their Korean songs. When I found out they were having a concert nearby in LA, I felt super excited, though I would have felt more fan-girly if NEWS or ARASHI came. haha. They were promoting their new album, which was all English, and the ticket was $10 because their VISAs wouldn't get approved by the US. Anyway, it was a super short concert (~1 hour long), but it was still exciting to be at one.


I spent so much money during this one semester compared to all three years in undergrad. My reasoning is when I get a job, I won't be able to go out as much, so I should grab whatever opportunity interests me at the moment. After finals, I went shopping and had dinner with Lint. My friend, Erica, dropped me off at Paseo mall in Pasadena, and Lint picked me up and took me to Nordstrom Rack. I took a picture while waiting for Lint to pick me up, and whatever setting I was using on my camera (I forget now) made the building look strangely like it was painted in. The colors are so solid and lacking much shadow that it looks like a draft of the building. So strange, but cool.

For dinner, we ate at the Shabu Shabu place in Little Tokyo with Jess. Before that, we had some boba milk tea at a place called Four Leaf.


Such a cute and quaint place. I stayed out until midnight, even though I had a snowboarding trip the next day. :)

Today, I just came back from the snowboarding trip with some of my frat members. Initially, I wasn't planning on boarding or skiing. I just wanted to hang out with everyone and talk. But then the one other person I was planning to hang with while everyone else boarded ended up not going. When we got to the cabin, I was still sure I wouldn't go boarding. There was internet in the cabin and my friend had let me borrow season 1 of Friends, so plenty of things to occupy myself with. It wasn't until I saw the price that I started to be uncertain. The adult price started at age 22, so I was still a Young Adult, which meant a $10 less lift ticket. I had only 5 months to be a young adult, I should take advantage of it. Plus, as one of my classmates said, if I boarded, I could finally tell people "I snowboarded!" haha I have weird reasoning. I've always been very money-oriented with my decisions. It sucks, but that's how I've turned out. I'm glad I went on this trip though. I felt so comfortable with the people I went with, so it reassured me that I chose the right frat.

Anyway, after my roomie came back from her work, she told me my car wasn't outside in the parking lot, and I was in disbelief. No way?! And she told me to look outside since it hasn't been there for a while already. The first thing that crossed my mind was "did someone steal it?! But I have the keys here.." and then she remembered I didn't get home until late at night on Tuesday. Shucks, that was the day I was drive around by everyone that I had forgotten I had originally driven myself to Erica's place before shopping, dinner, and coming back to my apartment. I had left my car at Erica's for three nights. That freaked me out because Alhambra doesn't allow overnight parking unless with a permit. Also, there is street-cleaning on Tues or Wed, depending on which side of the street. I was terrified by the worst case scenario: towed. Luckily (I guess), my car was still parked on the street, and it had two parking citations. I didn't get one for Thursday night. I can't believe I totally forgot about my car. I can't believe I just left it for three nights without even thinking that it could be gone. I can't believe I didn't check on it when I leave the apartment. I can't believe it never crossed my mind that my car was missing from the garage. So stupidly forgetful it frightens me.

But so far, luckily, nothing horrible has happened. No regrets.

LXXXVI : Focus

I actually went through all of November with 0 posts; it was a very busy month. And one would think I would be even more busy right now because my first final (out of 5) starts tomorrow, but here I am, posting an entry. It's been difficult studying so hard ever since the first round of midterms, and curiously, I am not feeling super nervous about finals. Yet. I have been studying intermittently, but I think I've been distracted for much longer periods. YouTube is a big factor (recently really got interested in the talented people on Youtube such as Ryan Higa, KevJumba, Arden Cho, Kurt), but I'm hoping it ends today. I really have to study for the next week. Just one more week. But before I get into that mode, I need to get rid of all these distracting feelings...

Am I so sure that I am doing what I really want to do? I see others passionately doing things outside of studying, getting truly involved in the profession already, but I'm still sitting here, not really too sad about not getting the job I interviewed for. Am I really cut out to be a pharmacist? Who can say for sure?

I watch youtube videos, come across random blogs, and see what other people in the world are doing through the internet. All the time wondering, they do this for fun and are successfully drawing in people. Can I get myself that passionate about something? For instance, music. I miss the piano, and I want to invest in a keyboard (need a job first though), but beyond that, I want to create music too. It's amazing to hear how people transcribe notable music (I love medleys!) and watching their videos on youtube makes me want to do that too. But I never get motivated enough to push myself even go toward that-- I can't get over my threshold potential! haha. random insert of nerdiness.

Or pictures. I want to capture these beautiful feelings I come across when I hang out with people, but I never bust out my camera even though I bring it around with me. I want candid shots. Well, I started playing with my camera today instead of studying, and I found these cool functions and tried to be artsy with digital photography. Behold, the pens and the notes!
I like the blurriness contrasting against the clarity of macro.

Also, looking at the creative side of people reminded me of those times in high school before 3rd period started (called reading period supposedly? or something?) when I would draw or write poems and short passages on binder paper. How creative some of those turned out to be! But, alas, I have lost that creativity, or I lack the time to sink into that state of mind anymore. Now, I write notes to myself as motivation for each day.

Kinda works, kinda doesn't. Now that I have gotten at least this much out of my mind, I hope I can focus more on pharmacy now. There's so much more I have to jot down here (what happened in November, for example), but I'll leave that to [hopefully] after finals. One week left!

LXXXV : Another Halloween

I actually tried to dress up for Halloween... yesterday. Yesterday was a long, fun 21-hour day! Woke up at 6am and went to sleep at 3am. :) It was tiringly awesome. I gave 19 flu shots and 7 cholesterol readings, and got mistaken for being Korean all the time. But everyone was so nice and the elderly were adorable with their fears of the results ("ohh, that is too high...," "that is no good," "oh no... I will return to exercising then) and, of course, receiving the shot ("I am scared..!" "heh... ha ha... *looks away*" "I don't want to show my naked body. *begins taking off shirt*" because his sleeve wouldn't roll up enough, but I showed him to a screen so he could hide behind it). I love serving the community like this, but how possible would it be to have health fairs for the public outside of school?

Afterward, I went to a Halloween party at Jess' place. The first thing I see when I walk into the house is Peter's shirtless body in the kitchen. Do all guys who work out love showing their naked body around? I guess that's why they work out. :P Because it was a Halloween party, we had to dress up. I tried to find the brightest colors I had in my wardrobe because I wanted to try a Harajuku-y look, but gave up on that idea. I just like solid colors too much. I ended up going with a black, gothic dark color with some bright yellow mixed in. But what I really had fun with was the make-up. It's like ART ON THE FACE! So fun! Jess was Tina from Glee, but the blue temporary hair dye didn't work so well.

We made dinner (more like I watched) and I had three delicious bowls of home-made spaghetti. So delicious~ and Jess found a recipe for butter baked biscuits (?) similar to the ones at Red Lobster. It was a success!! So fluffy and delicious, though it tasted different from Red Lobster's scrumptious and delicate biscuits. So good. We watched "Edward Scissorhands" and it was surprisingly funny and good, though sad. Johnny Depp was already so good at that time!

There were afterparties elsewhere, and the guests left Jess' around midnight. I went to celebrate Joy's bday finally with a whole bunch of Pharm friends. We karaoked in Ktown all the way until 2am. My mind was sleeping already by the time I got there, and I couldn't get into the mode. Basically, I sat quietly a lot of the time (and it didn't help that I don't know the recent popular songs that they kept picking). It was great to hang out with the people outside of campus and class. So tiring, but what an awesome day.

Happy Halloween. 2010.

LXXXII : Grossness

It's my midterm week right now, and I'm half done! Monday was Biochem and Drug Actions (basically Biochem) and today was Biological Systems (basically physio, anatomy, histology, whatever). Tomorrow is a rest day, and I finish off with Pharmaceutics on Thursday and Health Care Delivery on Friday. ahh. This is first time I've ever had four midterms in one week. Even during finals, I chose my classes (or got lucky) so that I would at least have a weekend in between finals. After yesterday's midterm, my head actually hurt. So much that I couldn't prepare for today's, but I guess luckily the midterm was at 5:30pm, so I had time to study. Anyway, I didn't want to complain about midterm week. I wanted to complain about something else.

We got ants. A load of them. I was thinking about taking a picture, but it's too gross and they go all the way from one side of the living room to the other side, just to get to our trashcan. They didn't come before this week. They came on Sunday and we managed to get them to leave by Monday. And then they're back again. I think they love yoplait yogurt because each time I've thrown it away, they've appeared. My roommate and I have found out that ants hate black pepper, vinegar, cinnamon, and Clorox wipes. But we haven't found out how to quickly kill them with the materials we have right now. If they don't disappear tomorrow (we put the source outside), we'll probably have to get ant spray. I'm hoping we won't have to resort to that because cleaning that up is a pain, and I hate the smell. One other factor that might contribute to this ant attack would be the weather. It's cold! and rainy! and the ants want to be warm and dry, with food. Well, it's just my speculation because the same thing happened some years ago back home during the winter. Ant attacks right before or during thunderstorms. I don't mind that they're nicely staying in a line, but it's so black and our carpet is pretty brown. So being able to see the ant trail distinctly on the carpet tells you how bad this attack is. Massive. It's so gross, but when I go to the living room, I can't help look at the moving blackness.

So gross.

LXXXI : Good Questions

After finishing my externship, we had a take-home final. More like homework, which I totally forgot about until today, when it was due. So, I quickly went home after the first pledge meeting and completed my final in 2 hours. It really took 2 hours. Why? The questions really made me think, and there were 16 of them. And while I was answering each one, I kept thinking, "these are good interview questions." They are also good questions to ask people and get to know them better. :) A few:

How do you define success?
Success is the feeling I get when I overcome some intangible barrier, such as memorizing a piano piece, and see the people around me smiling.

I've done this one before: What makes you happy?
Many small occurrences make me happy. For example, hugging clean, straight-from-the-dryer laundry, receiving a smile back from someone I walk passed, getting postal mail, and cooking for other people. Seeing other people happy makes me happy, too.


Why did you decide to study pharmacy?
Growing up, I was intrigued by Chinese medicine, especially when I wrote a report about the Chinese physician, Hua Tuo. He made his own medicine and walked around China, curing people of their illnesses, and he was the first Chinese surgeon. What appealed to me was how he dealt with the patients after his diagnoses and procedures—the herbs and mixtures he gave them. I entered undergrad as a pre-pharmacy student not really certain what exactly was pharmacy. The more I learned about modern pharmacy, however, the more I became interested in it as well as Chinese medicine.

Do you want to be a leader? If so, in what capacity do you want to lead?
I want to build trust and equality among the health professions, starting with the perception people have of pharmacists. I also want to develop ways for the concepts of Chinese and Western medicine to be combined to maximize therapeutic potential.

And lastly, something I haven't really been able to talk about to anyone else, but I'm starting to feel like I learned the most about life from it.
A crucible is a moment or event in your life that was extremely challenging and altered your perspective on life and leadership. What and when was your crucible?
I have always felt I was a late sprout. I was generally carefree all through elementary school and just went with the flow of things in life. In high school, I felt I was in charge of how happy I can be with my life, but I was lost as to how to go about doing that. Unfortunately, because I did not have a clear mindset of what I was looking for, I encountered an emotionally extremely challenging situation in undergrad, when someone I met had a clear vision of his principles, and it clashed with mine. Through this episode, I learned that I needed to be more firm with my own principles and that I cannot be accommodating all the time. Whenever I became firm, I felt uncaring, so I would back down again. As a result, what could have been solved in a few days dragged to a few weeks. From this moment, I learned that someone must be resolved and clear when it comes to one’s values and beliefs. Leaders, to persuade others to understand their principles, must be determined and, at times, resolute.

LXXX : Activities

Each week is getting more and more tiring to go through. This upcoming week will be the last week of my externship, and I'm wondering if I should be hired at the location (it's a Rite Aid pharmacy). I want some income right now, but I don't want to be overwhelmed with handling everything I'm signing up for (a bunch of health-related committees, student organizations, and a pharm frat). I still don't know how much I can handle, but I don't want to end up with nothing. Maybe I'll go for it and still look for other job opportunities as they come. I hate going into things I am unclear about.

Anyway, among all that worry, I have some updates about this past week! I left my cell phone in my apartment for the whole day I was at school on Monday. It wasn't the first time I left my phone behind and went to classes without it, so I finally made myself a sign:

It has been useful already, as I almost left my apartment without my phone three times after I made it! I don't know why I keep forgetting to take it with me in the morning. I need it outside my backpack because it's my alarm, but I end up forgetting to put it into my backpack after I wake up. It's very neglected and abused.

Yesterday, I went to Beverly Center with two pharm friends, Josh and Erica. We were in the area in the morning because Josh had an interview at Olympia Hospital, and shopping was great at taking my mind off of worrisome things. I found and then bought this shirt at 21:

I actually was debating whether to get it, but Josh and Erica talked me into it because it really is me. Plus, it was under $10! I finally have an egg shirt now!

Then today, I finally made a trip to the main campus to play badminton with the team. When I got into my car, it was an astonishing 112 degrees F!

It dropped to 107 as I drove with the AC on, but I was still sweating while just sitting there. I like hot weather, but I dislike having to concentrate on studying during that kind of weather. I don't feel my weekend was very productive. There are still about two hours left of it, so I'll try to make good use of that time. So much other things I want to do first though! Too much, too much...

LXXIX : Class of 2014

I forgot to mention last time, but this week actually made me feel a little more love toward my fellow classmates of 2014. It's always been a sort of tradition at the School of Pharmacy for students to sit in the same seat for all 4 years of pharm school, and it's as expected when by the 3rd week or so of class, people already know where their seats are in the lecture room. However, this year, among all the other drastic changes for the class of 2014, we changed rooms after 3 weeks of class. Sure, there were people who always sat in the same seat already (the first and last row people particularly), but for some reason, my group of foursome still doesn't have our "own seats." We've been sitting in different seats almost every day. I started in the front row, but then started moving back to the middle-front. And there was a day when we actually only found seats in the last row.

That day, however, wasn't too bad. Before our Biochem-like class started, packets of the notes were distributed to our class. But when lecture began, we realized that our row and the one in front of us didn't receive any notes! We sat there for about 20 minutes looking around and trying to pay attention, but it was hard to follow along when we didn't have a hard copy of the diagrams. During that time, we tried texting people we thought were in the front row because there was a stack of notes up in the front of the room. We were hoping they would pass back a few, but no one in the front row apparently looks at their cell phone during class. Well, I guess that's understandable since they're right in front of the professor. So, I decided to write a post-it note to anyone in the first row asking if they could pass back 10ish packets to us in the back. And I let it go. My friends and I watched as the note was passed from row to row toward the front of the room. It halted for a while at each person because they obviously wanted to know what was being passed around. At first, we began thinking that the note-trick would fail because no one was getting up to grab a stack. When we were about to sigh, someone actually stood up! And grabbed some packets and they started being passed back to us! It was so lovely, seeing the helpfulness of fellow classmates passing back a bunch of paper to us. :) Really made me feel happy inside, even though I probably only know 1/4 of my class right now.

This occurrence makes me think twice about the people in my class. Even though we are probably the most competitive class out of all the pharm students currently there, we still extend helpful hands to each other. Though sometimes I feel like people in my class don't really care if others are falling behind (things like "we just have to do better than others on the exam"), I feel like if we ask for help, we will give it to each other. And another reason for me to like my class is what happened on Friday. My friend just randomly wanted to run for class Treasurer, and the application was due Friday by 5pm. We knew this other person whom we had talked to and hung out with before (maybe once or twice) who was running for Treasurer as well. He was kind enough to give my friend an extra application he had, even though they were going to be rivals. It was amazing, and I just love seeing this kind of compassion and helpfulness. It's touching, and maybe I'm just overly sensitive to kind feelings, but I thought, "even if people don't really know who you are or have the wrong idea about you, what you did was memorable and fair."

I guess, our class is super competitive, but fair. This should help push us to do what we are capable of doing. Reach our potential, in a sense.

LXXVIII : Taking a Step

It's time I decide for sure whether or not I want to run for Year 1 Representative for certain student organizations on campus. I want the experience and knowledge that comes from being a Year 1 Rep, but I fear the workload, the commitment, and the stress that comes with being one. Looking back on my past decisions, I've always tried to make sure I can handle something, dip my toes into the water to get a feel of how cold it is, before I committed to it. But, I've found out that pharmacy school is very fast-paced, and seeing what I want has to come faster. I have to know when something I can do comes up because I don't have the time to test everything before choosing. It just really sucks that I prefer knowing all my options before picking them because if I don't check everything out, I feel like I might miss something I'd actually be interested in. I feel like a hypocrite, telling people to "just go for it!" when they are ambiguous, yet here I am, thinking to myself "I can't decide!" rather than "just go for it!" I hope that in the end, I do just go for it. As long as I really try for something and not think "it's ok if I don't get it." I have to think that what I do from now is what I really, undoubtedly, unquestionably want to do. I have to overcome these fears I have of not knowing what I'm getting myself into, of not being certain that I can handle more, of not succeeding in what I strive for, of falling back on myself.

How is it that some people seem to never tire of being motivated in something? Where does that passion and drive come from?

LXXVII : Pharmacy Jot 2

So, three weeks have passed since the first day of class, and I am officially DONE with one class' lectures. No more new material for my Pharmacy Practice and Experience I class, but there's a final to look forward to after this midterm I have on Monday. It's going to be crazy. I'm nervous and scared, but what else can I do beside study, memorize, stuff my brain, and enjoy some good healthy food this weekend? Anyway, recap of what else I have learned about being a pharmacist (the professors really drill into you how drastically the profession has shifted).

Screenings. Pharmacists can provide these services to the public that are beneficial to updating them on their health. Assuming that I pass my first exam, I'll be able to give diabetes screening (measure blood glucose levels), hypertension screening (measure blood pressure), dyslipidemia screening (measure various lipid levels), obesity screening (measure body fat percentage), and maybe some other less common ones like osteoporosis screening. It's important for the people we screen to understand that pharmacists DO NOT diagnose. We leave that to physicians to do. They may (and most likely will) use the same procedures we use, but they have other techniques to further speculate and diagnose. Also, given that physicians have a patient profile of whatever illnesses or problems (like fractures) the patient has had recently or before, physicians have more information about the patient to be able to pinpoint what exactly is wrong with the patient. Pharmacists have no patient profile like that. Pharmacists have information about the patient's drug history and allergies, but not enough to truly diagnose. Therefore, pharmacists assess. We can tell the patient that they are at risk of having diabetes (or they may have it) and refer them to a physician to get a true diagnosis as soon as possible. This is one reason why I feel like "why aren't there pharmacist+physician clinics around?" Pharmacists have to be vague about illnesses and disease states when screening. People should know that pharmacists do not diagnose.

Ok, the pharmacy profession is so young! compared to the medical profession. This is because pharmacy wasn't called "pharmacy" until somewhere in the 1800s, I believe. Pharmacists went through being called "apothecaries" (which some places still do), "chemists," "druggists," and "pharmaceutists" before becoming "pharmacists." I don't know how true this is, but Professor Goad said today in lecture, as an example of how pharmacists and physicians diverged, that physicians went the way of patient care using leeches to suck out blood while pharmacists used snake oil. Anyway, to think that just 50 years ago, pharmacists would never think about questioning a physician's prescription and that even many of the pharmacist associations in the US are relatively new (Academy of Managed Care Pharmacy is 20 years!), pharmacy is truly a developing and changing profession. I believe it will continue to be so long as the US health care system is a mess, which it will be for quite some years. People want to provide health services to those who need it and those who seek it. And as health professionals, what we can do for the public, we should do. If we can provide basic health services such as the above-mentioned screenings to people, who knows how much better educated the public can get about staying healthy. We can't assume that they will always follow what they're told to do, but we can provide recommendations and access to follow-ups so that they monitor their progress.

I hope that I will be able to work with the medical students some time this year because I really want to know what medical students are able to do. My image of doctors is a fee for every visit, no matter how long the visit and what it's for. Just to talk to the doctor for consultation probably costs you some amount. There are probably doctors out there who also provide free consultation services (and maybe diagnosis for the easier-to-diagnose diseases?), but I haven't heard of it before. I'm hoping to find out. By the way, did I mention that I can give shots now? Sticking a half-inch needle into someone's arm is so crazy! The skin is quite resistant. I am amazed.

One more thing, "retail pharmacy" is an old term. It's "community pharmacy" because pharmacists aren't like they used to be-- more about business than about patient care. Nowadays, pharmacists are more about patient care, but sometimes, especially for independent pharmacies, the businessman takes over. I hope that I'll be able to find what kind of pharmacist I want to be soon. I want to work with both physicians and patients... so maybe an in-patient hospital? Who knows. I start my community pharmacy externship on Tuesday. We'll see how that goes. But first, got to get over this Monday exam from 5:30-8:30pm!! *cries*

LXXVI : Pharmacy Jot

It's been one week of class! During the week, it got harder and harder to get up at 6:45am to get to class before 8am. But, finally it's Saturday, and I am recharging my energy for the week. Anyway, highlights about the first week, which I am glad I learned even more about what being a pharmacist entails. I still don't know exactly what I want to do yet though.

So, patients get prescriptions from their PHYSICIANS. Because pharmacists are also "doctors" in the sense that their degree is the doctoral degree, just as PhD, MD, DD, and all other D's are doctors. But, doctor, physician, same thing in lay. And there have been changes in the responsibilities and practices of the pharmacy profession to make it even more critical to the medical therapy of the patient. For instance, though USC was the first to have the PharmD program in 1950, pharmacy programs in the US were all changed to PharmD in 2000. So many of the older pharmacists aren't used to being addressed "Doctor (blah)." Also, only in 1993 were pharmacists required to provide patient consults on new medications. This is important for patients to completely follow the steps to fix/maintain whatever health problems they have. But so many studies find that people don't follow through with their medications, and they end up going back to their physicians because their problems come back or persist longer than expected. Why does this happen?

Pharmacists took up the responsibility to be the one to guide patients properly through their drug therapy. That is why we are required to know everything about every drug out there. We want patients to have the best outcome from their medication regime at the lowest cost. This is where consultations come in to help. Though we can ask questions to determine what medication would help the patient (like detective work!), we don't diagnose (job for physicians). This means that we are at our best when we know the patient's complete medical history (what are they taking now? What have they taken before?), any supplemental drugs, any allergies, health conditions, etc. But there's usually missing information and we can only trust the patient to tell us everything (being honest about not taking a drug as indicated). Most physicians don't find out that patients may be taking blood pressure medication every other day instead of every day as prescribed. They may think that it doesn't work, so they prescribe a higher dose (which could lead to adverse effects). So, as health care professionals, we should work together (like detectives in different departments!!!) to find out what is going on with a patient. It makes sense to be a health profession for a patient right?

Anyway, on top of all the "how are pharmacists involved with patient care" stuff, I have to memorize drug names, dosages, indications, and classifications for the Top 100 drugs. It's crazy because they feel like random words and numbers, which most of them are (brand names...). And I have to learn at what age people get what shots at what dosage. Oh yeah, pharmacists can give shots, and one of my professors predicts that pharmacists will take up the responsibility to provide shots for people. We'll see. The profession is so heavily regulated and feels so "new" compared to the medical profession. As one of my professors said, medical doctors have distinguished themselves very well from each other... say if one family doctor gets sued, the surgeon in local hospital isn't affected. But say if a pharmacist in local pharmacy gets sued, all pharmacists get a bad reputation.

I'll leave this with an awesome quote by my professor: "Patients don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Can't force patients to take their meds properly, go to check-ups and follow-ups, and return to you for future problems if you don't care if they recover or not.

In other news, I hiked up to the Hollywood sign with a bunch of other pharm students (mostly P1, some P2)!

LXXV : Over and Start Again

Well, tomorrow is the day! The day when I begin pharmacy classes and a life as a pharmacy student. Today, I hung out with three of my baddy teammates, and it made me, once again, think of the days of the past year. I'm glad that I made last year so memorable, and I actually feel that I accomplished making it the best last year of undergrad I could have made it. Sure, there were still some days when I'd sit in my apartment all day (seriously, there were days when I wouldn't leave the apartment at all. They were the days I didn't even get out of my pajamas.), and there were days when I felt I wasted time browsing the internet for nothing in particular. But, they were few compared to the days when I was busy the whole day with something to do: class, research, work, baddy, hangouts, food, lab, etc. Loved the balance it came down to.

But now, I have to move on to balancing a new schedule. One thing I dislike about being in school is the difference every year is, although this is also one thing I like about being in school. The people who graduated that year are no longer back the next year, and you probably won't be able to hang out with them anymore. It makes me sad when the number of people you got to know and hang out with diminish. It's so hard for me to meet new people and establish that feel of familiarity in a quick amount of time. I usually take months (give it about 3 to a year), and before I know it, the year is over and they're gone. I dislike having to part with them, but what can I do except try to keep updated about their lives. It's exciting to meet new people and a new class, but I still long to be back with the people I've already gotten to know. I'm always finding myself in these kinds of dilemmas. Who will I choose to hang out with: people I can get to know (and will get to know for the next 4 years) or people I already know (and may not see much of anymore)?

No matter how much I tell myself that my undergrad days are over and that I have to start this new professional graduate life, I still feel pulled to spend time being an undergrad, hanging with my friends still there, being at the undergrad campus. It's probably because I graduated a year early, but people also are staying a year more to get their masters. Would I feel the same way as I do now if I had stayed one more year? I am lost between this want to still be an undergrad and this want to become a professional. How about being an undergrad professional? haha. I'm so greedy to want both.

Although, now I do feel more strongly that I want to be a professional.

LXXIV : Comfort

I've settled into my new apartment and still have mixed feelings about the upcoming orientation and graduate courses. I'm excited that orientation is tomorrow, and I'll finally be able to meet my fellow classmates, but I'm scared because orientation is tomorrow. I'm scared that I don't know exactly what I'm getting myself into and that I won't be able to keep up with what is expected of a pharmacy student. Also, I'm excited that I'll be at the Pharmacy campus, but I can't decide if I'm glad to be there or kind of dreading it. I'm sad that summer vacation is ending for the final time, but happy to actually feel like I'm experiencing summer. Home's summer was much too cold this year. But to make up for it, I watched 18 movies! The List in order of watched:
Mononoke Hime
Hear Me
The Lion King II
The Lion King
Mulan
Homeward Bound II
10 Promises to my Dog
Toy Story 3
FFVII : Crisis Core
Advent Children
Toy Story 3 3D
Despicable Me 3D
Nim's Island
Toy Story 2
Inception
Beauty and the Beast
Aladdin
Return of Jafar

This list makes me feel accomplished. Well, make it this list and my internship experience (since all my hard-earned pay pretty much is going to loans and rent). When I think about how I was at home with my parents and sister, I remember how easy it felt to ease into that life. And now that they're on their way home, leaving me in this apartment, I am dreading living on my own again, even though I know I've had the experience last year. Maybe it's because I'm going to pharmacy school, and I want to be prepared to manage on my own. I fear having to drop out, take a break, make a new decision. When will moving around to new apartments feel more comfortable for me? Maybe when I have to do it on my own, without my parents. Maybe when I've moved around with them enough times that it feels habitual. Maybe when I'm moving in with people/someone I can be my random self. *sigh* I feel like living in an apartment will never be like living at home.

LXV : Next?

Surprisingly, I did not cry during Commencement. I was too rushed for time. Right after the satellite ceremony (started at 11am), after we finally walked, I went to my chemistry department's reception to have a very quick lunch (about an hour) and chat with a few buddies who came to see me. Then I had to rush out and move my mattress and table to my next school year's apartment. Driving around LA is seriously tiring, and I didn't even drive around in LA yet. I just sat in a car and waited for sleep to come as traffic moved along at snail speed. By the time I got back to my current apartment, it was around 4pm. So much time passes with doing so little. Anyway, up until Commencement day, I felt I was holding back certain feelings that I couldn't release until I dealt with them instead of ignoring them. Things that made me cry the last two weeks of my undergraduate time:

1) When I get frustrated with myself. Tears just come, but even if they don't fall, I feel like I'm crying inside. Crying about why can't I get it, why aren't things going my way right now, why can't I do something.
2) When I am overwhelmed with sorrow. Whether it is watching the difficulties some families and people face or just thinking about the sad things in life, I'll feel myself crying.
3) When I am confused and feel like I shouldn't be. There's so much I don't know that I feel like I should know. And sometimes I interpret the look people give me as "how can you not know? what's wrong with you?"
4) When I miss someone too much. I go through the phases of wanting to hear my mom's or dad's voices or wanting to have a message/letter from a friend, or even a random phone call. When I read/hear the things people I miss say to me, I wish they really were standing there and I could hug them. What I don't understand about myself is that when they're finally physically there in front of me and talking to me, I don't manage to hug them but I want to. I really want to.
5) When I am super happy and laughing. Enjoying the moment is really special to me, and it's another reason why I would cry. If it's special, somehow my tears show it the best.
6) When I am embarrassed with myself. I just feel tears coming up and I usually can hold them back, but sometimes I have to wipe them away and pretend something got into my eyes. And then when I wipe my tears away, sometimes something really does get into my eye and, with hard contacts on, it really hurts. And my tears really fall, making me feel utterly stupid.
7) When I unwantedly become the center of attention. I like being on the same level as most people. I don't like being behind them, and I don't like being in front of them. I would rather not having silence around me, waiting for me to say something. It's nerve-wrecking, and I want to hide.
8) When I feel touched by someone's love and feel undeserved of so much love. My sister wrote a simple message on her birthday card to me: "it feels like not long ago you were graduating from high school, and now you're graduating from college." At least twice, when I read that same sentence, I started crying. I don't understand myself.
9) When I feel people are being unfair. I would cry about how I can't express my feelings about it.
10) When I feel people showing their kindness. Why must there be people who are overly kind and people who are overly mean?
11) When I feel too stressed. Too much weight and too much on my mind. Timing becomes important, and if I'm unable to finish everything immediately, I feel like the day is incomplete. I need more patience.
12) When I'm on my period. Simple as that. Hormone imbalance maybe? Who knows.
13) When my heart aches. And I usually don't understand why. Maybe there is someone I like right now and I'm not acknowledging the feeling? But I don't know who it could be... yet I get that constricted feeling as my heart beats. [though maybe it's just my pacemakers were off synch]
14) When I think about what inevitably will happen in the future. Loss and moving forward.
15) When I think how much I hate bringing people down and I feel like I am.

That's a lot more than I thought was bothering me. But finally acknowledging them makes me feel more open talking about them. I talked to my mom about the things that have been on my mind. I think it's about time I do what I was hoping someone else would do first-- be more open about these feelings people have to deal with.

If I had to say how I feel about graduating, I would have to say I feel no different than last year, when I went on summer vacation. I'll be going back to school in the fall, and I'm interning this summer. I'm sure next year will be different because instead of interning, it will be work. And I'm expecting work to be different, but we will see. Anyway, even though I am leaving many of the friends, I don't feel too far and I feel like I'll be able to make the time to visit them. It'll be after they've graduated when I most likely will feel the emptiness and loss that I felt after my high school graduation. Like a part of me will fly off with these people I built relationships with, and it'll be difficult to be together like we were in college. But it's not impossible right? If these friendships were meant to last, somehow we'll manage to pass some time together again.

LXIV : Last Semester of Undergrad - Week 17

I really wanted to clump this last update about my last days of undergrad into one entry after all my finals were done (last one is Monday), but I've just been distracted so easily, even when I turn off my wireless so that I have to study. This time, however, the distraction was not what I was expecting. I logged onto my lj account, which I've ignored for at least a year now. And I went on my friends list and found entries from a friend I thought was always so cheery. So optimistic. So full of fun and smiles. But the most recent entry (today) was about leaving high school and going on to college, leaving friends, feeling lonely, and feeling like what bonds that have been built since childhood (or even since high school) will shake because of the next journey. It was saddening reading those thoughts, but I found myself completely understanding those feelings. I had them, too, but I was oblivious to what I was feeling like, as I still am still. Back then, and still now, I trick myself into thinking "smile. You're okay. You're happy. So smile" when I know something is definitely bothering me. Yet I can't ever pinpoint what exactly is it, until someone explains it to me. Why do I have to wait for someone to explain these feelings I have to me? Why am I unable to figure them out myself? Why can't I put my own feelings into words before people tell me what exactly is going on in my own mind? Why can't I understand myself still? Maybe one more reason I always feel like I'm lagging behind others is because I don't discuss these feelings, so I can't unravel them myself. Then I'm just stuck with them. Sure, they eventually pass, but when they come back again, I still don't know what they're from and what they mean.

For instance, this week, I had my first two finals on the same day (first day of finals). Those were the last days I would see my physio and pchem professors. Those were the last days I would go to those classrooms and take exams. Then, Friday was my last day at work at the USC Pharmacy. I got pictures of the workers I spent so much time with each week. I wanted to hope that I might be working there as a pharm student one day, but it would be different probably. I wanted them to know how much I loved working there as a cashier and how much I would miss helping them out at their busiest hours. I promised I would see them one last time during graduation, but I still had that feeling of sadness on leaving. After the pharmacy, I went to my last day with my research group. I gave them "Popping Candy" (or whatever it's called. From Taiwan) as a present and thank you for having me in the group. I will miss their jokes, smiles, laughs, and incredible knowledge. I may not be missing the actual research topic as much, but I will be missing seeing how research in progress looks like, and how frustrating or joyful it can be. I wonder if I was any help to them, but I hope I can drop by when I'm in Pharm school.

Then today was the last practice/training with the few baddy members who could make it. And I didn't feel all that cheery for some reason. I made egg tarts to give to them. I hope they know just how much I loved the team this year, and I hope they loved it too. The friendships, the meals, and random conversations about anything. I hope they enjoyed every bit of it. I wanted the lasts to be sweet and happy, but it just seems like I wasn't up for putting on that carefree, joyfulness at practice today. I felt frustration and sadness that I couldn't play my best at the last practice. I felt "blah" that I didn't contribute to the conversations during the post-training dinner. What am I thinking inside? Why am I not enjoying my lasts with the people I enjoyed being around this year? Maybe this graduation somberness finally hit me. I'm leaving. I'm starting again. My life won't be the same yet again. I've got to change my mindset, prepare it better, and, most importantly, know myself better.

I still can't understand how other people can know me more than I know myself. Is it because people ultimately go through the same experiences with the same feelings? Or do people really know how I think? How is that possible? I feel like I don't really know how anyone thinks. I don't think about it. Or does it come naturally? Like a feeling? And don't people tend to not want to follow what others think they will do? So what exactly makes one "know" another?

I teared up when my roommate left for home today. It's so weird because I thought I wanted her to leave soon. It's not like we didn't get along. Maybe I just wanted my own room? Why am I so confused with myself.

I think I'm going to cry during graduation. I think.

LXIII : Last Semester of Undergrad - Week 16

Last night, while showering, I thought of a very nerdy thing that pretty much summed up how I felt this past week. Let my mood be a sin function (disregarding all the tiny fluctuations). This week probably was going from sin 0 to sin of 3pi/2, and today, I'm feeling more positive than yesterday, so I'm heading toward sin 2pi, making one full circle with a period of a week! whee.

I have come to the conclusion that I lack relaxation during sleep. That's why my moods are all over the place. So dangerous. But one thing is for sure, when the sun is up and smiling at Earth, I feel pleasant. And when the moon is up, well... I feel not as pleasant. tahaha. I'm really incapable of being a late-night person.

Anyway, happy May! :O

LXI : Last Semester of Undergrad - Week 14 and 15

Tuesday (4/13), I watched Mononoke Hime in Japanese Anime class, but we didn't finish it. So I found the whole movie uploaded somewhere on the internet and finished it. It probably remains my favorite film by Miyazaki. The first time I ever watched it, I remember suddenly realizing how there could be a perfectly well-written story with no villain. Well, I guess no villain as I'm used to stories and animated films having. On top of that, I realized how people and nature keep clashing. In addition to loving the story and the characters, I love love LOVE the music. Hisaishi is amazing at composing music that touches the heart, at least it touches mine. Mononoke Hime, Spirited Away, Kikujiro, Laputa, etc. I think genius means being able to reach through to someone's heart, getting passed all walls that could be there and hitting the emotions. In one word: WOW.

I think every time I've watched Mononoke Hime, I've always lingered on it for the next three days or so. It has that strong of an impact on my mind. Truly amazing. Anyway, these two weeks were "rest" weeks because I didn't have any exams. But then, it also meant I was supposed to catch up on work. Of course, I am still behind, but I have a very good excuse: my birthday!!

Saturday was hanging out with Phoebe, Steph, Lint, and Monica at the Stinking Rose and pigging out on their delicious bread. We demolished the first plate when it came and shocked the waiter refilling the bread when he gave us the second plate. It was hilarious because after probably 4 plates, he came over and was like "oh..." and walked away cuz we weren't done yet. Apparently, he only took the plate when there was 1 or 2 left. And by plate 4, we finally decided to "eat smart" and wait for our meals. We had an appetizer (garlic fries ish) that kept making us lose our focus to leave room for the real meal. But oh well, it was a fun dinner. Garlic ice cream is pretty delicious. Like tofu cheesecake (Hayward!). ahh.. lovely. And miso ice cream (Japan...).

Sunday was dimsumming with roomies and Lint. We wanted to go to Yi Mei, but this is what we found when we got there:

It was sad for us, but what made me feel even sadder was seeing two more Asian vans driven by daddies pass by slowly and seeing a grandpa and daddy walk up to the sign. The families that go to the restaurant weekly must've been more devastated than we were. In the end, we went to Elite, right next to Yi Mei. It was a bit pricey, but it's worth it because the portions are big! I very much enjoyed stuffing myself full with their dimsum.

Monday was dinnering with a few of the baddy team members. We ate at a Taiwanese restaurant called Pa Pa Walk. Very delicious and, once again, I pretty much over-filled my stomach. I loved these signs they had for the kitchen and the bathroom:

But food didn't stop there. We went to Kelvin's apartment afterward and Irene brought me a huge cake!

I didn't get pictures, but I blow torched (for creme brulee) the Hello Kitty candle and then literally defaced it. Seriously, sometimes I think I should get over my dislike for Hello Kitty, but I sleep with a Pochacco blanket every night so how can I? We played BANG! (they had to teach me first) until around 1am. What in the world is the renegade supposed to win at that game?! I managed to trick one vice into killing the other vice, but then by the time it gets down to the sheriff, vice, and renegade, I think we pretty much know who's who. -,- Unless the renegade is persuasive enough to get the sheriff to believe he is the vice... I have no such skills. *sad* There was one surprise for my birthday. Jeremy managed to stuff a beer can into my baddy bag without my noticing, and I only found it when I got back to my apartment and unloaded my bag. Now I have a random beer can in the fridge, which I honestly forgot about until yesterday... whoops.

Tuesday was interesting. It started off with Lynn giving me a shirt and my mom sending me package that had a shirt from my sis and Helen (among other lovely things). Shirts together:

Because I slept so late on Monday and couldn't fall asleep until 4am because I was thinking about my first phone interview (for a biotech company internship), I convinced myself that I would skip Japanese Anime class. So I did. And it was wonderful, though I got up early enough that I could have rushed to class... nah. I went to research, but got out early because I told Russell it was my birthday. It was funny conversation:
M: Can I leave early today?
R: Of course not! You have to stay the whole time.
M: It's my birthday.
R: What? What are you doing here! Get out of here!
I'm going to miss researching with the group. I know they'll probably all finish their PhDs soon and whatnot, so eventually we'll disperse. But sometimes, can't time just feel longer when we're having fun? Anyway, dinner was with Kit, who took me to an El Salvadorian restaurant near campus. It was surprisingly filling and delicious, but I still love my Asian foods.

So birthday was super awesome and I'm glad I got to spend it with so many different people I love hanging out with. Love love love.

Now there is one week of classes left and then finals. My last ones of my undergraduate career. I will miss it, but look forward to Pharmacy school! I get excited when I talk to pharm students. So much to know! So much I want to do! Little my little, life will fall into place. But for now (I always have to pull myself back into the NOW), I will go at the pace I am comfortable with.