LXVIII : Memorial Day Weekend 2010

It was a very memorable weekend and Memorial Day this year. On Friday, I baked chocolate chip-filled banana cake [basically, cake mix + 2/3 cup olive oil + estimated 1/4 cup water + 4 mashed bananas + some small semi-sweet chocolate chips] with Helen. We didn't read the part about using 2 9" circular pans, so when we filled one pan up and baked it, the middle was not getting baked even though the sides were darkening little by little. We ended up taking it out, scooping and eating some of the sides and the top central part (which had broken apart from the sides of the cake), and re-baking again. It was a delicious banana "bread." Not too sweet and not too soft. In fact, it was pretty bread-like. We also baked brownies on top of graham crackers (which were leftovers from attempting cheesecake last week). Also super delicious, probably because used 2/3 cup oil and added some water so it was soft. We spontaneously decided to have a BBQ on Monday somewhere, at some time. :P

Skip Saturday, since it was spent calling up families to BBQ and shopping for food for it. Though, I had a surprise visit from Mon and Sophie late at night. I wish we were more awake to go somewhere else so we could talk more that night, but it was still a pleasant drop by.

On Sunday, I went with my family to SF. We had planned to eat at some Chinese restaurant on Irving, near 23rd St, but when we got there at around noon, the place was packed with people, so we just just parked and walked around to find a random place. We ended up at some Cantonese noodle house, and somehow, I just kept eating and eating, not feeling totally full even though I had pretty much cleaned up the four bowls of noodles. Back on the car, my dad drove around in circles (we kept arriving back on Fulton) as we tried to find parking to walk around Golden Gate Park. But, the parking garage was full (luckily we didn't have to pay for the time we spent driving around looking for parking there) and by the time we found a spot just on the side of the park, my mom had a stomachache (probably from the MSG-filled lunch). So we drove around looking for the nearest bathroom. We came across a Chevron, and my mom ran into the food mart, but soon came running back out because their toilets were out of order. We then decided to drive toward Japantown and came across a Shell. There, my mom stayed in the bathroom from before we started filling the car with gas and until we had waited for her for what felt like 20 minutes. We watched an old man wait patiently for the bathroom to become vacant, but he eventually gave up and biked away (sorry, old man). After that, we drove to Japantown and shopped a bit in their Japan Center malls. When we got back to our car, I saw pretty green glittery things on the floor next to our car, and when I looked up to open the door, I noticed our window was broken, shattered. And there were signs that someone searched through our car for valuables. My dad's beloved camera was stolen (probably what they saw to break into our car in the first place) though my dad had forgotten to put film in it (yes, it was one of those cameras that still used film!). Also, my sister's GPS charger and cell phone charger were stolen. Luckily, the GPS was too well-hidden and remained. It was scary because a car in front of us was also a victim. I saw their window also shattered to pieces next to the curb. Don't park on Geary, between Cleary and Laguna. Before we left, we warned the person behind us not to park there, and I'm glad they left. Seriously, why must there be such people.

Anyway, my sister dealt with the insurance stuff and we were unable to go to the shopping center. To sum it up, our SF trip didn't follow any of our plans, except that we went to SF.

Today's BBQ was awesome, even though we waited for almost two hours before finally starting the grill. A total of 8 different families came! I don't want to count exactly how many people were there, but the parents managed to fit 12 people around one of the BBQ tables. Also, though we did start out grilling chicken, beef short ribs, and hamburger patties, we ended up like this:

Only in Chinese families would we see such a sight at a BBQ. haha. Stir-fried onion and boiled water for hot dogs. Then stuck marinated fish slices into the boiled water with sauce too. Basically, we transformed the grill into a stove! All in all, a very fun, very memorable, and very food-stocked event. [Was there from 9:30am-3pm]

And tomorrow, I may not be needed for jury duty (again)! I can't wait for my internship to start next week. No matter how much I'll miss having such days as these past two weeks, I want to feel productive with the time I have, and I want to be able to say "I did [a whole bunch of nerdy techniques and whatnot]" rather than "I watched Mulan at home." Although, I have to say, Mulan is still a very good Disney movie.

LXVII : Goals

"There are four major factors in achieving goals: (1) objective, the goal itself; (2) you, the person striving to attain the goal; (3)actions, the efforts made to attain the goal; (4) positioning, your situation upon achieving the goal. Of these four, you and your objective are the most important factors. For example, if your self-image and your objectives don't match, if you don't believe you are worthy of achieving your goals, you will not achieve them no matter what actions you take. When you believe you deserve to attain your goals, however, even minor actions yield great results."

So, believe. I feel like what I want to say to others, I actually want to say to myself. Yet I find it harder to believe in myself than to believe in others sometimes. I really need to get out more.

[later, around 5:30pm] I drove to a nearby BofA to deposit a check. But before that, I had to reassure myself that I can drive myself. It took a few minutes of standing and staring at the car in the garage, running back to my room thinking "I'll do it tomorrow," and then mustering up the courage to open the garage and turn on the engine. I imagined the route I would take, just to make sure I wouldn't get lost. But I took the right turn too early and got lost anyway. In the end, though, I made it to BofA and deposited my check. I'm glad I did this now, and I'm hoping to go further next time I drive myself somewhere. It's okay to get lost. It's okay to not follow the plan in mind exactly. Still, my cheeks and ears feel hot for some reason...

LXVI : Cleaning and Sorting

I finally am able to discard a few of the random sketches and artwork I did way back in junior high. Back when I used to carry my sketch book or random paper with me to Sacramento where my dad's dad used to be. Also, I found the random doodles I did during "reading period" of high school (mainly my freshman year). I remember that year being full of "what-is-this-feeling?". Anyway, I found this written on one of those doodled papers:

無道人之短，無說己之長
施人慎勿念，受施慎勿忘

Don't talk only about others' shortcomings. Don't talk only about your greatnesses. Don't keep insisting you helped and thus seek a favor in return. Don't forget the help you received.

That's my translation of it, but it just doesn't sounds as awesome as the original version. From there, my mom and I talked about various things. She commented on how she used to have the mindset that people loved to approach her to talk to her, and how that delayed her mental growth. We can't be too full of ourselves. I wonder if I, too, have been doing the same thing. I want to say that I haven't because I actually feel inept at conversing with people, especially if I have to start a conversation. Also, I feel intimidated a bit when I'm asked for my own opinions. I'd rather just insert them when I feel like. Still, there have been a few times when I feel like random people find my character easy to approach such as when I'm walking down Trousdale in USC and the sorority or whatever groups are there walk toward me to get my attention on something they're advocating. I see so many other people just walking by the way I am, so why do they walk toward me? But it could just be my imagination, because no matter how hard I try to think I'm circling around as a bystander, I catch myself seeing everyone rotating around me. I dislike it when I feel self-centered like that. It feels stupid to think people act in response to oneself's presence or actions.

From these short instances when I feel like cleaning up the house, I feel like I'm in a way cleaning up a part of my lingering self that is stuck in the past. And sometimes I feel like I'm finally sorting out my feelings. I feel freer.



What was I thinking about back then? I have forgotten those feelings, yet they come back when I go through what I have left behind from before; I acknowledge them, feel them again, and then move on. Is this what I should be doing more often instead of finding myself thinking about four, five, ten years ago and partially regretting what actions I did before?

What were other people thinking?