XXII : Yuuki / Courage

Instead of working on any schoolwork, I decided to watch another Japanese movie. This time, I chose one called "Yuuki The Movie" from the 24 Hour TV in 2006. I'm probably going to search for the movie played in 2007 and 2008 or something. This year's was called "Niini no Koto wo Wasurenaide" and I love the deep themes that are portrayed beautifully in these drama movies. The more I watch these actors and listen to their lines, the more I respect the translators who work hard to capture the feeling in English words. The translators for the following did a superb job. From Yuuki, the Value of Time:

"To comprehend the value of one year,
just ask the students who failed their entrance exams.

To comprehend the value of one month,
just ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To comprehend the value of one week,
just ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To comprehend the value of one hour,
just ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To comprehend the value of one minute,
just ask the people who missed their stop on the train.

To comprehend the value of one second,
just ask the person who managed to avoid an accident just in time.

To comprehend the value of one tenth of a second,
just ask the person who ended up with silver medal at the Olympics.

The hands of the clock will continue ticking. And treat today as the utmost gift you'll have."

Original:

時間の価値


「一年の価値を理解するには、落第した学生に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一ヶ月の価値を理解するには、未熟児を産んだ母親に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一週間の価値を理解するには、週間新聞の編集者に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一時間の価値を理解するには、待ち合わせしている恋人たちに聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一分の価値を理解するには、電車を丁度乗り過ごした人に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

一秒の価値を理解するには、たった今、事故を避けた人に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

10分の一秒を理解するには、オリンピックで銀メダルで終わってしまった人に聞いてみるといいでしょう。

時計の針は 走り続けています。 だから、あなたの持っている 一瞬一瞬を大切にしましょう。 そして、今日と言う日に 最大限の贈り物をしましょう。」

Deep and simple. Am I able to do that?

XXI : Depth

How can you write about something deeper than you truly feel about it? Is it possible? If it is, aren't you putting more significance in it than you really feel? Meaning, what you're saying actually doesn't matter all that much to you. It didn't have to happen, and if it actually didn't happen, I could have learned whatever I did there somewhere else. Some other time. Right? How can we convey that that significant special time and place was necessary for learning more from experiences?

I have been here:

Opening my mouth open, hoping to be fed those experiences through the events and news my parents, friends, teachers, the TV, and everything/one else gave me. But they were presented in front of me. All I had to do was choose to try or reject.

I was here:

Waiting for someone to come and give me opportunities. Scared of doing something incorrectly, taking the safe route, not going out too much from my safety zone. Basically, peeking around and doing little. Didn't have much I wanted to accomplish.

I am here.

Peeking further from my comfrot zone, daring some opportunities that I find for myself, seeking some goals and accomplishments. But not really trying too hard because still staying well in the safety zone. Why am I not more daring? From the few times I have decided to venture out and failed, I have actually LEARNED something. By staying here in safety, I still learn, but extremely slowly.

Where is the future? Unfortunately, I have no pictures of these swallows flying around the house. I wish I did though. It would have made this a great time-line. So, maybe I try to simplify my feelings so much that others think I am not deep. Or maybe I really do simplify everything for my own mental benefit. Who wants to complicate what doesn't need complicating? Why makes things deeper than they really need to be?

[pictures are from the summer of 2008]

One more thing, why be overly affected by (or attached to) something that you know can overcome?

XX : 1 Hour 25 Minutes

That's how long I just spent on the phone with my parents. First it was with my mom, and then later I talked to my dad. This time, I spoke longer with my dad than with my mom (she passed the phone over because she had to use the bathroom~ haha). It was great listening to their voices again. I don't know why recently I've been wanting to hear their voices to much. It makes me feel like I'm trying to listen to what they want to say (and get them to know what I want to say) before the time when I won't be able to hear their words anymore. Not that anything is wrong with my ears (and nothing is severely wrong with my health), it's more that I'm worried about their health. What would happen, what would I do, when their health becomes an obstacle to their work? That would mean, I would have to tell them to stop working and let me to take up the financial burdens, with my sister. But that would mean that I would have to get a job that can pay enough to cover. Would that mean I have to drop out of school? My mom had asked before what I would do if she and my dad were to pass away, and I had said, "I would probably drop out of school." In my mind, I was running across all the feelings that would well up inside me (I'm not the type to let my feelings go that easily). She replied, "no. Don't do that." So, I must stay in school and learn all that I can.

When my grandma passed away, I was around 10 years old (I think, maybe younger. I know I was still in elementary school). I kept wondering at that time, how is it that my mom can live on so strongly without her mom? I wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't know how to live my life anymore. But now, 10 years later, I have to push myself to create my own path for my own life. My parents have been guiding me for so long (maybe too long) and I have to start guiding myself. Why didn't I try before? Why didn't I go through a rebellious stage where I would try to build my own life with my own ideas? Sure, I did go through the time when I would stubbornly not go to piano lessons or tutoring, but in the end, I still did. I haven't made my own course just yet. And I should have, I feel. I asked my dad in this long conversation, "How did you pay for college?" I remember him telling me he came to America with $100 in his savings account. This was at least 30 years ago. But still, he was able to make it so far. To come to California from Ohio. I have found so much to be proud of in my parents, and I am still finding more. Why didn't I realize this earlier? Why didn't I grow to this point earlier? This 1 hour 25 minute talk really pushed me forward.

Go forward.