I have slowly become more and more inclined to believe I do not find the beautiful feeling of love shared between couples all that wonderful. I guess, for some couples I see, I do feel a sense of that beauty, but when it comes to myself, ah. dark. broken. hurt.
Which is more precious, close friends or lovers?
To me, I believe that if you are able to clearly choose one, question if you are really prepared for that love that comes from a couple. If you find both just as precious, and you cannot decide which you would rather have while sacrificing the other, maybe you can make it to be both. That's what I think at least. For me, the more I think about this strange bond people develop with each other, the more I think I very much enjoy close friendships, much more than making it scarily close intimacy. Notice: scarily. Maybe I don't want to feel the negative effects that can come out of such intimate love. Maybe I am running from the crazy (brainless) feeling that comes from that love. Or maybe I am really just not ready, still. It's been a while. But whatever. I feel no rush to guide my good friendships down a crash course to oblivion (which makes no sense because is it even possible to crash into oblivion? Maybe that's what it means. You keep going and going, and it'll never end. you'll never be stopped because you will never crash. That friendship becomes more and more distanced, and it eventually is gone). My outlook for a lover's love is pretty dismal, huh.
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