LXXXVI : Focus

I actually went through all of November with 0 posts; it was a very busy month. And one would think I would be even more busy right now because my first final (out of 5) starts tomorrow, but here I am, posting an entry. It's been difficult studying so hard ever since the first round of midterms, and curiously, I am not feeling super nervous about finals. Yet. I have been studying intermittently, but I think I've been distracted for much longer periods. YouTube is a big factor (recently really got interested in the talented people on Youtube such as Ryan Higa, KevJumba, Arden Cho, Kurt), but I'm hoping it ends today. I really have to study for the next week. Just one more week. But before I get into that mode, I need to get rid of all these distracting feelings...

Am I so sure that I am doing what I really want to do? I see others passionately doing things outside of studying, getting truly involved in the profession already, but I'm still sitting here, not really too sad about not getting the job I interviewed for. Am I really cut out to be a pharmacist? Who can say for sure?

I watch youtube videos, come across random blogs, and see what other people in the world are doing through the internet. All the time wondering, they do this for fun and are successfully drawing in people. Can I get myself that passionate about something? For instance, music. I miss the piano, and I want to invest in a keyboard (need a job first though), but beyond that, I want to create music too. It's amazing to hear how people transcribe notable music (I love medleys!) and watching their videos on youtube makes me want to do that too. But I never get motivated enough to push myself even go toward that-- I can't get over my threshold potential! haha. random insert of nerdiness.

Or pictures. I want to capture these beautiful feelings I come across when I hang out with people, but I never bust out my camera even though I bring it around with me. I want candid shots. Well, I started playing with my camera today instead of studying, and I found these cool functions and tried to be artsy with digital photography. Behold, the pens and the notes!
I like the blurriness contrasting against the clarity of macro.

Also, looking at the creative side of people reminded me of those times in high school before 3rd period started (called reading period supposedly? or something?) when I would draw or write poems and short passages on binder paper. How creative some of those turned out to be! But, alas, I have lost that creativity, or I lack the time to sink into that state of mind anymore. Now, I write notes to myself as motivation for each day.

Kinda works, kinda doesn't. Now that I have gotten at least this much out of my mind, I hope I can focus more on pharmacy now. There's so much more I have to jot down here (what happened in November, for example), but I'll leave that to [hopefully] after finals. One week left!